Checking In After Cancer Treatment When You Don't Know What To Say

One of the most common things I hear from clients who have had cancer is disappointment and surprise that some friends and family weren't around for them at their most difficult time. Looking at it from the other person's perspective can help in managing feelings around this.

Part of that perspective is that people want to check in, but they get stuck on one thing - “What if I say the wrong thing?”

So, they wait. Or they keep conversations practical and surface level. The intention is kind, but it can leave the person who has been through treatment feeling unseen.

Here is the good news.

You do not need the perfect words.

What matters most is your willingness to listen.

After treatment ends, support often drops away just as someone is trying to process what they have been through and who they are now. It can be an emotional and confusing time.

A simple check in can sound like:

“I was thinking of you and wanted to see how you are.”

“How are things feeling for you these days?”

“I am here if you want to talk.”

No fixing. No silver linings. No pressure to be positive.

Listening means allowing whatever shows up to be enough. It means letting them lead the conversation and trusting that being present is valuable, even when it feels uncomfortable.

If you take one thing away, let it be this.

Checking in is not about having the right words. It is about being willing to listen. Sometimes, that is exactly what someone needs most.